Friend

The first thing that came into my head this morning when I read the word for today was the ridiculous toy story song, you’ve got a friend in me. And I can’t remember if there’s actually any more lyrics to it (there must be, surely?!) but I just had that same annoying sentence going round and round in my head to it’s tune. So that put an end to my lie in (you try sleeping with that annoying tune), which was kind of infuriating given I didn’t get to sleep until 3am and it was finally my chance to sleep in. So, having now put that tune in your head (you’re welcome), I’ll carry on.

So I’m just not really the kind of person to have lots of friends, more like just a couple of very good ones. And I’ve got 3 of those.

A friend I went to school with, whose family I loved, and with whom I was inseparable. Who’s exceptionally smart, bright, endearing, charming, kind, focused, beautiful and loving. She’s messy, wellies and dirty hands, hair tied up. She’s my sister, for all intensive purposes. And yet I feel too scared to tell her about my past, to which I know she will have caring for, as I know how she personally relates. I will one day…every time I see her I feel one step closer to doing so, but just not yet. 

A friend I met at University and then lived with. Funny, social, self-deprecating, a full face of makeup and dressed up. My opposite in that sense. Caring, and joking, and so bloody funny. The same sense of humour, at our own expenses. Trustworthy, and trusted, yet unable to personally relate and uncomfortable with the tougher stuff.

My dearest pc. Met online, through a forum. Older, half a world away, and yet the strongest attraction to her. A huge pull to get to know her, and her me. To have her in my life. I’ve saved the best to last here… She’s funny, and kind, and beautiful, and loving, and generous. So smart, perceptive, wonderful. I’m so glad I private messaged her one day, because I needed to talk to her more, she was the person I needed to get to know. And oh my, we got to know each other. And sometimes it’s so incredibly hard. Like she reminded me just this week; we have the loops to each other’s hooks. It’s hard, it gets messy, and yet we’re in it for the long haul. Daily texts, long phone calls where 2 hours can go by so quick. Photos and videos. She is a constant grounding presence in my life, and she is safety to me. She will listen, provide smart insights, just be with you quietly. When you’re sad or scared, or just needing to not be alone, she’s got you. And she knows, she has similar wounds that break my heart for the sweet little one she was. She gets it. And she is healing to me. Her presence and her words, both. Her letting me in and letting me be there.

So, despite it not being the conventional way to meet, and despite it being under the worst circumstances, I wouldn’t give up having pc in my life for anything. She is so very real, and honest, and the most beautiful presence in my life. In fact, she’s saved my life. So this post is for you, dear friend. I wouldn’t be without you. You pull me out from the worst depths, stay with me, and love me no matter what. I love you such a massive amount, more than you even know, and this post, though probably any post, just doesn’t do justice to it.

You’ve got a friend in me, okay? And I know just how great a friend I have in you 💜💜 💜

One thought on “Friend

  1. there is a now-defunct emoji that was my favourite one that related to tearing up. it was one in which the eyes of the little smiley-guy were brimming with tears, not yet spilling over. i miss that emoji. i am that emoji. right now, this moment, reading your beautiful, heartfelt words. thank you. just thank you. you save my life every day.

    Like

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