honestly, the only thing i could think of was how much i want to be under the influence tonight. of several sizeable tumblers of gin and tonic with loads of fresh lime squeezed in, preferably.

like these, only four times the size. with really fancy tonic water. (yes it makes a difference)

i’m kind of disappointed in myself for not doing better with this word, but it’s all i’ve got at the moment.

but you know what else, though? this is the first word that we’ve had that makes me angry. and to which i have an actual aversion. and i’m tired and a bit sad and even though i can feel the pull of wanting to explore it, i also mostly fucking don’t.

coz i feel like i would be writing a grade school essay about the important people in my life and i’ve had many of those, thankfully. it’s likely why i’m still here. but then what is also niggling in the back of my mind is all the shitty influences i’ve had, and i’m so, so tired of thinking of those ones. i need a break from those ones. but the break never comes.

unless i choose to think about how nice a crisp gin would feel in my mouth (i’m working tonight so i can’t drink, i can only imagine)…so yes, that’s what i’m going to do, instead.