i don’t want to think about this word.

can’t i just refer you to this post and we’ll call it a night? (i think the answer is yes, it’s our fucking blog after all)

or just that this word, and ones like it, just make me feel hopeless and scared and alone? because what fear tells me is that i will be dealing with all of this perpetually? that it is eternal, woven into my DNA and that of my child (and her children and theirs too), this ugliness and shame and grief?

ugh. ugh ugh ugh.