Weep(ing)

I’m having one of those nights tonight where I just want to grab a carving knife and slice it through my belly, remove all the disgusting soft squishy parts and be left with only strong hard stuff. I’m completely hating myself, and I just want to hurt myself, because I deserve it.

Weeping isn’t something I do. Weeping is weak and pathetic, and fuck that. I won’t be those things. I refuse to be hurt. I refuse to let anyone have that kind of opportunity to ridicule or shame me.

And I know that my core beliefs of what is weak doesn’t extend to anyone else and therefore shouldn’t be and isn’t applicable to me. But tonight is the kind of night where the thought of any sort of vulnerability is insufferable.