Endings give me huge amounts of anxiety. I told pocketcanadian about this just a little while ago…that we were on day 40 maybe (out of 365) of this blog, and I had a little panic attack to myself. Got really sad and worried. Kept thinking about how I didn’t want this to end. That I freaked out that so many days had already passed and that before we knew it the year would be up.
Yesterday I went to t with the purpose of making it an ending. For reasons both good and likely bad, I had decided that it was time I stopped seeing a therapist. It wasn’t an ending, I’ll see her next week for (perhaps – I am still undecided) the final time. Its an ending that, like others, makes me panic. But, when it comes to endings I keep my vision firmly on the future, try to remove all emotion and sentementalities otherwise it gets too hard.
I want an ending to this pain. For myself and for pocketcanadian, who is having such a hard time right now. And yet it’s those endings that you want, that never seem to come, only those that you don’t want.