I have always been an uncertain person. For as long as I can remember. And whether I was like that before or not, my childhood would definitely have made me an uncertain person.
And it’s an annoying thing to be, to never be totally sure, to not want to make decisions, to always hold back. Except this is one way that I’ve adapted. Because i’ll be really really uncertain. Anxiety will kick in, I will be going over and over, no quite sure…I think this, but what if that’s the wrong thing, the wrong answer, the wrong thing to do. Until at some point I switch all of that off (I dissociate), and I go into ‘just-do-it mode’. Where I keep my head upright, I look forward and I just do. I push all those other voices far away and I get on with it. And you know what, I kind of like this about me. I don’t like the feeling uncertain, not at all, but if I’m going to be like that I’m glad I have this way to manage. After all, most of my decisions are made this way. It feels kind of resilient.