one hundred & sixty three: evolve/evolution

this one made me feel a bit icky tonight.

coz really, it’s commonly accepted that evolution is the notion that a species becomes mutated over time. some of the time, these mutations persist, and benefit the species, while others die out. (i do know this is supremely simplistic, forgive me.)

apart from the fact that calling someone a mutant is a really good insult, this whole line of thought, of adaptations and evolution, made me feel sick, as i pondered the possible ways my humanity was mutated by incest and sexual abuse. like, how was my DNA altered? how was the DNA of my offspring affected? and given that it is likely that my abusers were abused, and theirs before them were abused…why did this trait persist? why didn’t it die out, as it should have done? what fucking benefit is there within a species for incest and abuse?

trust me to take this on a dark turn, when i honestly had planned to write some oprah-istic shit on my evolution as a human being vis-a-vis my therapy journey…ugh.