this one felt too hard to actually tackle tonight, so i’m doing a list, entitled where i find comfort:

• hugs and snuggles, from wherever i can get them
• imagining people i love sleeping – something i have done as long as i can remember, as a way to calm myself at night (i know it’s totally weird. add it to the list)
• the smell of the oil i used to use on our daughter as a baby…lavender and calendula and orange and beeswax and other lovely gentle-smelling things
• words – poems or lyrics or music; books i’ve read, loads of times; handwritten words for me by people who love me
• hot chocolate with whipped cream
• purring cats, our old guy in particular, who starts up if we so much as look at him
• my worn, soft stuffed pup tucked under my chin
• lying in my bed, with covers pulled fully up or over my head
• looking up at the sky
• sunsets
• chicken soup with egg noodles and lots of dill