two hundred & nine: motivation

what i’ve had very little of, in terms of this blog.

which leads to shame, which leads me not to do it even more.

and shaming myself into writing this post led me to realize that i am not very good at motivation without also being impatient and unkind, particularly to myself. as in, the only reason i’m writing right now is because i thought it would be amusing and kind of ironic (and a good opportunity to be self-deprecating) that i write my first post in days about motivation, like ha, what a joke. posting about how lame i’ve been about posting is an opportunity i can’t pass up. gotta get that dig in.

and i can hear that it’s mean, and i feel all the familiar pricklings of shame in my body, but tonight, i think i deserve all of it, it feels right.