Travel (315)

I haven’t ever travelled, really. I was born in the UK and have lived here almost all of my life. For a few years when I was very young we moved to a nearby European country. The extent of places I have visited are very narrow: skiing trips to France and Austria, a sailing holiday around the coast of northern spain and france, a couple of family holidays to spain or france.

I’ve never been outside of Europe, and the thought actually just terrifies me a bit. I could never have been one of those teenagers, off to travel and see far places after finishing their A-Levels. I would love to go to far away places, to experience different cultures and see amazing things. And yet I also really wouldn’t like to. I don’t know what it is…I don’t like flying but it isn’t even that. I think its maybe something to do with a total lack of routine, and not knowing what you are doing. I don’t know, and it’s so stupid, but it makes me so anxious the thought of it. And then mad at myself, for not being better than that.

I’m off to Canada really soon, and that’s as structured and safe as it could possibly be. Once I’m there I won’t have to worry about anything, and the getting there is simply one bus and one plane. Both direct. And yet ugh the panic of it. So so stupid. So stupid. Travelling clearly is not for me.

Written 11/08 and backdated

2 thoughts on “Travel (315)

  1. Not stupid at all. It’s huge. It’s terrifying and it’s a lot of unknown stuff. And yes, here, in our little corner of Canada you will be safe. The getting here might be hellish and hard but once you are here…we can both sigh with relief. Then hug. ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’œ

    This is a massive trip. It is like me jumping into the freezing ocean all at once, the equivalent of it. I mean it, it’s that hard for me, that scary, that anxiety provoking, to do it. I just haven’t, I can’t. I think I can do it but I don’t. And…this is something you do all the time, it’s something you enjoy. But honestly, the last time I swam, full body in the sea, was in 2002 (I’m not counting Caribbean holidays because those waters are like a bath).

    We don’t have to love all the same things. And fear is fear, it doesn’t have to make sense. It’s doesn’t make you stupid to not want to travel the world. It doesn’t make me stupid that I don’t want to run into the freezing cold water (though maybe I’m just a ๐Ÿ”?)

    All I know is that you’re travelling here, to see me, and knowing how nervous you feel, how hard it is for you, makes me just love you all the more. I know you’re doing it for you but you also are for me, and I’m so grateful. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

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