two hundred & sixty three: light

pocketbrit is so right, we do love us some good rays. i know i have some better ones than these but i can’t seem to find them, so they’ll have to do.

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nearly eight years ago, when i was therapist shopping, part of what drew me to my current t was her bio online (it is not online any longer). in it, she spoke about light and also capital L Light, and i liked that. she also quoted beautiful lyrics from a prolific canadian singer, so that was the start of my loving her.

i’m trying to make my way back to her but it’s just been really difficult. it’s felt dark and dismal and scary. not easy. not light.

backdated, written june 17/19

two hundred & twenty six: angles

i actually had a series of photos in mind for this post, from a long time ago, when i was taking a photography course (more to foster creativity, not really a how-to, though goodness knows i could benefit from that!) and doing a lot of experimental (aka fucking weird) stuff. playing with depth of field, mostly, but also shooting from odd angles.

so here are some of them.

backdated from May 12/19

fifty-five: sunset

i am obsessed with sunsets. obsessed. ask anyone who knows me best – my wife, pocketbrit, even my kiddo – they have all lost me to a good sunset chase at least once.

when i say i have hundreds of photos from which to choose, i mean it.

i don’t quite know why i continue to try and capture them, because none of the photos i’ve taken have come even close to the beauty that is playing out before me. i inevitably end up frustrated with the deficiency of the tools i’m using (and my own self for not succeeding, yet again), cursing quietly, swearing i’ll never try again, that next time, i will just try to enjoy the moment. my daughter even said this past summer (with maturity beyond her eight years) after a particularly fruitless chase, mom, it’s okay, there’ll be another one tomorrow. and i wanted to cry and stomp my feet because didn’t she know, there won’t be today’s sunset ever again. i missed the only chance i had to hold the end of today.

it’s so silly. i know it.

so, you can see some of my other inadequately-memorialized sunsets here and here, but i’m leaving you with this one today. (pocketbrit: rays, right? xo)

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twenty-two: sunrise

my wife laughed (hard) when she heard our word today. she said that i don’t do sunrises, i’m not up for that shit, that i’m more a sunset kinda gal.

she’s right.

i know they’re pretty and all…but they’re so fucking early. and if i’m seeing them it’s coz i’m not sleeping due to insomnia (aka my dumb brain) or because i’m coming home from work, both of which are crummy reasons to be awake at the buttcrack of dawn.

in any case, i found a picture of a sunrise that i took this summer, through my window (and its screen) while on vacation. i was sick and woke up because i couldn’t breathe through my nose…and inadvertently caught this.

like i said…pretty, but not worth not being asleep at 5 am, if you ask me.

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twenty: storm

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this might not look too stormy, but what followed was ferocious. the rain blew sideways, forcing itself into cracks in the windows and between the doors. the wind howled. trees were felled. branches spread across the field, the driveway, on the beach. car alarms activated. flowers decapitated and plastered to the side of the house. an eight year old terrified. her mama (me) delighted, revitalized, awe-struck by the power.

i love storms. the more flashing fury and thunderous applause, the better. if my wife didn’t beg me not to (she is less delighted about storms), i would’ve stood out in the middle of this one, arms outstretched, grinning.

eight: door

i am quite relieved by today’s word prompt, because i was playing catch-up and wrote a fairly long and tangential post and frankly, am pooped.

plus, when i read the word door, this is the exact picture that came to mind (despite this being a doorway and not a door). i had to hunt for it in my basement, and unfortunately, it’s pretty faded and i didn’t get to posting until nighttime here, so it’s not the best quality, but here it is, anyway.

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Agra Fort, Agra, Uttar Pradesh, India, circa 1998

i lived in india in my mid-20s, and became obsessed with all of the lovely doors and doorways i encountered on my travels there. this one, at agra fort (across the river from the taj mahal) went on for aaaaaages, and although you can tell from the top that i didn’t set up the shot all that well (this was a still camera, way back then, not a phone or a digital camera), this was one of the pictures i set up in a triptych-y sort of frame (with two other beloved photos) when i returned to canada, and that i lovingly placed on my apartment walls for many many years after that. it was so neat, imagining who walked through these doorways, and considering what their lives were like. touching the ancient marble and stone walls and feeling the sense of history there, of centuries of people prior. i spent a lot of time sitting and looking at this series of doorways, i remember, and when i returned to the fort with a friend several months later, i sought out this spot for a second time. when i’m less tired, i might try to think of why it felt so important, there.